Frustration

Belinda Vega

I was born Belinda Vega on April 8, 1991 to Gustavo Vega and Iris Fonseca. I was born and raised in Miami, Florida all of my life but am planning to travel as much as possible in the upcoming years. I especially enjoy watching classic movies, listening to all kinds of music (but especially appreciate 40s music), and the visual arts. I attended South Dade Senior High School in Homestead, Florida and graduated Magna Cum Laude in the Class of 2009. I am currently attending Florida International University and majoring in Psychology. I am planning on attaining a Doctorate in Psychoanalysis and hopefully have my own practice someday. 

FRUSTRATION

Belinda Vega 

I believe in frustration. I believe in it so much, that I express it many times a day, damn near every day. I do not want to be frustrated. I want to react normally and patiently to everything that presents itself, and not resort so quickly to irritation. Sometimes I try to fight it and take a deep breath, but the patience subsides, and the frustration wins.

I get frustrated at many things, big and small, significant and insignificant. I become frustrated when I am driving on a street and the car in front of me is going too slow. Ever notice how anyone driving faster than you is a maniac and anyone driving slower than you is a jerk – frustrating! I become frustrated when someone doesn’t hear me and asks me to repeat what I just said, even if it is just one word.

I have always been a naturally impatient person. Although now there is more that contributes to my internal conflict. My father died two years ago. People die every day but my father committed suicide. His unpredicted and not to mention, tragic death has left me feeling angry and confused. Frustrated. I am angry because he didn’t have to die. He was healthy and a damn good person.

People who are good and healthy shouldn’t have to die so early and tragically. There are many people in the world who kill, harm, and have bad intentions. Many of them live a long healthy life, escaping the punishment their malice deserves. But my dad felt that his life was worth ending and somehow, I feel that I need to blame someone for that. Who that someone to blame is, I am not sure – which frustrates me.  So I get angry at the car in front of me who is strictly following the speed limit and at the person who asks me to repeat what I just said, even if it is just one word. Then anger and frustration boil over and take over my emotions.  

Frustration is a mental detriment. It is strong enough to make it difficult to enjoy anything worth enjoying. I wish that I had the mental strength to confront whatever it is that is capable of frustrating me and just be able to be nonchalant about them as I see so many people do. Even when I try, I think about my father’s death and imagine that what I am facing is every person that hurt him and made him believe that his life was invaluable. No matter how much I know it negatively affects me, I cannot help but to experience frustration. It is too profound in my mind to avoid. It is wasteful self-conflict.